Reaching the new semester...

So its Sunday night...well technically Monday morning and I am about to start back at school. The past two weeks have been quite challenging but I have fought off anxiety pretty well. Thanks to my amazing younger sister these past two weeks have been great considering the situation. I have dramatically increased portion sizes and have given up working out but that has been one of the hardest things for me. I am starting to feel weight gain in my stomach though, the one place I don't want weight gain and that is so so difficult. I want to go to the gym so bad. I just got back to school today and noticed a scale was put back in the bathroom. It's so hard and I already weighed myself and saw higher numbers which makes me so so nervous going back into the semester with the pressures of going out and drinking. I don't want to have to lose weight again. Also, all the girls in the house are watching their weight which makes it ten times harder for me but considering I spent tons of money grocery shopping yesterday I need to eat it all and not get stuck into bad habits again. I found some online workouts though for toning and I can't wait until my class but that doesn't start for a while and I hope I can make it until then. I am so so tempted to go to the gym tomorrow morning. I just can't take this. i want to be normal again but I am going crazy thinking about having a drink tonight when I went out and eating so much without going to the gym. This is like a double whammy for me: No gym and considerably bigger portions and then drinking. I think its too much at once. Help.

Still Steppin forward....

So the good news is I'm continuing to make progress! I actually started doing Wii Fit as a way to do Yoga and Strength Training and I am definitely feeling it. I was so sore yesterday when I went to babysit. The weather was horrible and the snow storm made commuting that much more of a pain. Anyway I am feeling a LOT more energized than I was in the summer when I nannied the girls. I can do so many things now without being tired and I can eat more which I love to do!!! I love being able to workout now while eating more and I am trying to make myself feel full but right now I am having a rough time coping with it. However, I have been eating a lot more and still not feeling full, kind of odd to me. I have been so motivated to eat really healthy though and I am so motivated to want to have a really healthy and energetic lifestyle. I'm joining a workout class and my Fitness magazines marked with workout routines and delicious recipes! I hope that I continue to work on myself and eventually find interest in guys and have a good time going out and doing the things I love again. No more bad habits or routines (or at least as much as possible), no more guilt trips,no more letting certain guys make me feel guilty, making myself feel bad about who I am especially when he doesn't treat me well. I just want to find a nice guy... Is that going to ever happen? Sometimes I doubt it. So many thoughts run through my head...sometimes I wish I could just be a kid again, I miss having no worries in the world.